Anonymous asked: I hate you so fucking much your writing is excellent but those pictures PISS ME OFF FOR NO REASON

Guiltless and Kindly

What is a happy life? Peacefulness and constant tranquility.  Loftiness of mind will bestow this, and consistency which holds fast to good judgement. How are these things reached? If all of truth has been seen, if orderliness, moderation, and seemliness are preserved in actions, and a will which is guiltless and kindly, focused upon reason and never departing from it, as lovable as it is admirable.  To put it in a nutshell for you, the wise man’s mind should be such as befits god.

- Seneca

Anonymous asked: I am also a sociopath, and I just wanted to say that i commend your dedication to being a benevolent sociopath. I do not wish to hurt anyone as well and this is very difficult, obviously. Sometimes the malevolent tug of disgust and empty frustration is too much to handle and I desperately want to make a hideous mess of any sentient being foolish enough to step into my path. Do you have any advice to help me keep my cool when I feel like my leash is about to break?

One thing I’ve learned is that thoughts will enter my head whether I like them or not.  When I’m stressed or bored, these thoughts will sometimes be violent.  One way to avoid taking them seriously is to never trust your first thoughts, ignore them and assume they’re coming from somewhere else.  Many of these thoughts are habitual, or automatic, or coping mechanisms, or simply superfluous.  (This advice would apply equally well for neurotics and insecure folk - ignore the first thoughts that say “I’m unadequate” just as you’d ignore the first thoughts that beckon “Harm.” 

I find this advice tends to make people more reflective and aware of the sources of their thoughts - why am I thinking these things?  Is it serving any purpose?  These thoughts about thoughts - these second thoughts - are more helpful and constructive, and can be calming, focusing and tranquilizing.

Anonymous asked: I haven't been diagnosed as a sociopath by a professional and I don't plan to ever see one, but I've been wondering for over 2 years now if I might be. So my question is: "Do you think all sociopaths are violent/have violent thoughts towards animals?". This seems to be the only characteristic which I don't possess.

That’s a fair question.  Sociopaths are notoriously cruel to animals - it often starts there.  A sociopath I knew in high school would shoot gophers and coyotes all throughout junior high, until I discovered that he was committing much more brutal cruelties to them over time.  Eventually he started getting in fights with his peers, and the assaults became more and more aggressive. 

Personally, I was quite mean to my childhood pet, and would treat it as a playtoy.  I would purposely scare my aunt’s horses at her ranch, and throw rocks at seagulls, managing to down a few.  However, the only animals I’ve recently killed are the moribund birds I see lying on the sidewalk or grass.  I live in a city where there are moribund pigeons are everywhere for some reason, and I suffocate them.

All of this aside, I don’t think that all sociopaths have violent thoughts towards animals, because I don’t think that all sociopaths have violent thoughts.  Sociopathy, strictly speaking, involves the absence of certain kinds of “moral” emotions, or a great deal of difficulty in experiencing those moral emotions.  They’re not all capable of experiencing a great deal of pleasure at the suffering of others, even if many are.  If they did hurt an animal, at the very least they wouldn’t care about the pain they caused, but there’s no guarantee that a sociopath will enjoy it, and fantasize about further cruelties and Schadenfreudes.

Anonymous asked: Part II: 1) Assume for a second that you weren't the one with this blog, helping to blaze a trail for other BSes (which you are doing, regardless of whether you want to)...How do you think you'd react to coming across a blog like this? 2) Can sociopathy continue to exist as a diagnosis in our "modern" age where social norms seem to be in constant flux thanks to ever-increasing levels of cultural cross-pollination? 3) Finally, did you ever consider a self-diagnosis of Narc PD rather than ASPD?

1)  I’d use it either to confirm my self-diagnosis or to use the tips and tricks that are on the blog to better my ability to feign emotions.  I’d certainly never message the owner of the blog.  It’s peculiar that I receive so many messages from people asking if they’re a sociopath, since I don’t imagine many sociopaths would bother asking someone else in the first place.  2)  I think that the DSM, as it grows, will begin to acknowledge more specific types of sociopaths.  Right now, the term is incredibly generic, and doesn’t specify a particular kind of individual but rather it specifies a broad range of possible personalities - like a spectrum.  And since sociopathy is partly defined by one’s conduct in relation to the current norms and culture, then someone might seem like a sociopath in one context but not in another.  The category is a problem then - we could use it to lump in people that reject the status quo, and thereby write them off.  That’s a real issue, and I’m agreement with where your question is heading.  Fantastic question, by the way.  3)  I have considered this.  I believed that I was a narcissist for many years, after reading up on personality disorders.  However, since then, I have met many narcissists who are clearly empaths, and have many emotional reservations, body image neuroses and unstable egos.  I assumed that narcissism wasn’t the whole picture, as a result. 

Anonymous asked: Do you have a sort of sociopath radar or could you only reach that conclusion through a session of deep thought like the rest of us?Do you think you could identify a sociopath easier than empaths?And do you have a standardized list of qualifications you go through when analyzing someone or a list you would recommend to others for the same reason?

A sociopath radar is incredibly difficult to develop and put into practice, precisely because sociopaths are in the business of not being identified as sociopaths.  The only thing one can really have a radar for is sociopaths who feign emotions poorly.  In these cases, one looks for subtle gestures that are awkwardly employed when sympathy is required (such as touching one’s chest, shaping the eyebrows just right, and so on).  If these are systematically done poorly with no other explanation, then there’s an indicator (but not mistake indicators with measures by which to identify a sociopath.  Those don’t exist). Delayed reaction times to having appropriate emotional responses are also an indicator, and these reactions are critical for receiving bad news properly.  Sometimes these emotions are incredibly difficult to mimic.  For example, my grandma and my childhood pet died last week (for real).  I don’t tell people I know these things, because I don’t want to bother feigning the relevant emotions.  But if someone did find out, and asked me how I was doing, it would be quite difficult to respond emotionally, and I might “miss a beat” so to speak when it comes to expressing mourning and melancholy.

I’m assuming you’re not asking for the obvious indicators, such as reckless and irresponsible behavior that isn’t for the sake of attention, image or seduction.  It’s worth noting, however, that if someone engages in these behaviors when no one is around, that’s a further indicator.

Intense friendliness and exaggerated body language is sometimes an indicator, but there are a lot of personalities that might conduct themselves like this.  It’s not a surefire indicator.

Perhaps the only way to know for sure is to have a romantic relationship with a sociopath, because sociopaths always slip up eventually, and as a result, are known to have many “short-term” (5-10 year long) committed almost-marital relationships.  Since sociopaths make excellent lovers, this isn’t an entirely useless criterion. 

I think the key thing to look out for is that the individual in question has some compelling and charming ways to sidestep guilt and responsibility.  They never seem at fault, and are remarkable at convincing you of this. 

tranquilizersforthesoul asked: As a person whose life has been gutted by fears and negative emotions, I find your sociopathic fearlessness to be quite fascinating, even inspirational. I'm not even sure how I managed to stumble across your blog, but I'm glad I did, and I'm glad you make the time to share your thoughts here. Sociopathy may be unnerving and alien to me, but clearly there's positive things to be learned from it and, if I'm strong enough, applied to improve my own situation. Thanks, and I'll be watching.

Thanks. I think there’s a few ways in which learning about “what it’s like” to be a sociopath can be helpful.  First, it can make folks less angry and castigating of those who commit wrongs, if we know that some people have a very difficult time seeing what’s right, and if we know they just can’t see that they’re doing wrong.  These folks can be very confused and, in some sense, innocent.  (Of course, there are obvious examples of malicious psychopaths who know full well what they’re doing.  I’m not talking about those cases right now).  Some people have also found a bit of emotional solace knowing that an ex-partner or their current husband/wife is a sociopath, so they feel less guilty about having been hurt, and they’re more understanding and accepting of their past.  

Second, the Stoics had this idea of the “Sage” or wise man, who would not be emotionally perturbed by the world around him, feeling neither fear nor shame nor regret.  There’s something appealing about the strength and stability that comes along with such a state of mind, and some sociopaths can look like a “realized Stoic ideal” in a lot of ways, especially if they’re committed to benevolence or harmless until we bother them.  If we know it’s possible, we might seek to achieve the better aspects of sociopathy, especially if it turns out that many of these negative emotions aren’t helpful at all. If we can separate the idea of sociopathy from the ideas of malice, violence and evil, then there is a lot to be gained.  And if the Stoics were right, it’s all about finding the reasons for lacking fear, of which there is more than an abundance.

Anonymous asked: You are me but your rampant narcissism diminishes your real potential. A pure realist can get over the primitive narcissistic state and understand that even normal people, with their flaws, can be useful or even interesting people. They are not inferior, or just objects that admire, hate or are indifferent towards us. You or I are not special. That stage belongs to the adolescent ego. It doesn't reflect reality. I may not care about other people, but they are just as valuable as you or me.

“I may not care about other people, but they are just as valuable as you or me.”  Unless there are moral facts, that sounds incoherent to me.  On my view, people either have value because we care about them, and if one doesn’t care about them, one acts as if they had value, because that attitude is fruitful and instrumental to what’s really at stake.

There is no reality that is the value of other people.  There is no truth of the matter that people matter, and that I should care about them.  Ethics and morality don’t figure into the structure of the universe, whatever that is.  They’re helpful constructions that allow us to solve problems that we’re confronted with along the road to pursuing what we think matters.  How could there be a moral fact?  What would it look like?  How would we verify it? There is certainly no agreement among moral philosophers as to what constitutes the moral facts. 

I’d happily acknowledge some meta-ethical constraints on what morality could be, so far as we’re constructing it.  For example, I would acknowledge the principle that “one ought to do X only if one can do X.” Also, “we should care about what matters.”  I’d happily acknowledge these nigh-truisms, but they don’t get us a full ethical account, and they don’t imply any realist picture of morality.

What does ethical realism have to do with narcissism?  If I’m fully capable of acting as if people have value, then what difference does it make to my potential?  The only place I’d openly admit any of my underlying beliefs is here and here only.  You’d never know otherwise; in fact, you’d assume that I care deeply about the interests of others more than your standard fellow.